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I had to take two days off from work last week to clean up the mess left by my kids at my previous home. I had to do the same thing a year and a half ago at the home we lived in before this one.
Friends say I was too easy on my kids and should never have let them get away with leaving messes for me to clean up. That is probably true. But I think there is more to it than being a lax parent. It strikes me as an example on a very small scale of The Tragedy of the Commons. A shared resource (a home, in this case) will inevitably be trashed by the messier people, lowering the value of the resource for all who use it. This is one reason (among many) why the idea of living with other people again terrifies me now.
July 26 2005, 21:33:19 UTC 6 years ago
IF the agreements are not followed, then there have to be consequences, or the whole structure of the agreement begins to be eroded, and is eventually no longer providing any structure.
This is why I consider both values AND agreements to be crucial things to consider in who I let close to me, and to my physical space.
I understand your feeling terrified. but it's also true that not everyone will treat shared resources like your kids did.
(hugs)
July 27 2005, 19:47:55 UTC 6 years ago
As for shared values, it's something you can look for when choosing one's intentional family members. But with one's unintentional (biological) family, it's a matter of luck. I tried setting examples for my kids, but my spouse's example was apparently the more powerful one.
July 27 2005, 21:49:10 UTC 6 years ago
This is one difficulty in making agreemnets between individuals. there is no judge or jury to 'uphold' things. there is just the individuals, interpreting the agreement as they see fit, as they prefer.
I think the situation with your kids was a very complex one. It is over now, and in any future interactions with them... you'll have a better sense of autonomy. I think this is true.
:)